I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
