I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
