Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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