it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
