so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
