last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
