i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
