The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
