hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
