I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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