there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
3pm strippers are depressing
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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