guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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