i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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