You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
