I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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