And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
