Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
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