i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
