I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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