how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
