I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize