3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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