Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Hippo gnu deer
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
