She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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