Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
