I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
