i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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