dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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