Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize
