remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize