ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
