The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
