You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I am midnight drunk by noon
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
