I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I have aggressive nipples.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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