I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
