She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
