it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
