Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
thus making me awesome and them whores
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
