I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
