the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
