Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
