maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Randomize