is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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