Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Randomize
