But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
