sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
