i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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