I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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