so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Randomize
