Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Randomize
