Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
