i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
