The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
