wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize