Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize