i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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