The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Randomize
