Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
