She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
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