I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
accomplished twins. life is a go
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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