worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
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