I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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