he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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