After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
