the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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