So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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