What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
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