Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
