i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
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