I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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