hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
