so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
