Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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