Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
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