Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
