At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
