i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just had sex bonerless
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize
