she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
