bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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