I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
