so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
