and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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