why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
