i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
