Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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