guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
