im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
