i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
