You really coming over, don't trick.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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