i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
