She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
