Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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