o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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