if i can run in heels then i can drive
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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