your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
