Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
