Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
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